My father passed away on March 15th. By the time of his death he was suffering from many things that caused his quality of life to be poor. I know he is in a better place because he was suffering badly. It was a huge loss and is a very difficult process to go through.
Below is my eulogy for dad. It is in the format I used for speaking notes. A slide show was presented with the eulogy.
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Henry James once said, Sorrow comes in great waves…but it rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us it leaves us on the spot and we know that if it is strong we are stronger inasmuch as it passes and we remain
When we are young boys the world is our canvas. What we make of the opportunities given to us…… define us as a father……. a husband…….an uncle……a grandfather……. a friend…….and a colleague
My dad taught me a lot. And during my younger years he was always someone I could hold onto
Dad was a: Fantastic Cook, Voracious Eater, Determined Leader, Comedian, Loving Father, Generous Spirit, Hard Worker, Dependable Friend, Giving Husband and one Cantankerous Patient
On December 8th in 1927 when Calvin Coolidge was president my father was born in Wayne County, West Virginia
He was the 2nd oldest of 7 children – Rosalie, June, Donny, Bobby, Larry, Charlie -- he was born to a homemaker and a minister & farmer . Ever since my dad was a small boy he has been working hard to provide for his family……. One of my earliest memories is of my dad coming home from work tired and dirty from being on construction sites all day.
Dad was a hard worker his entire life……Jackie tells a story of dad having his first job at 12 years old – working in a textile factory, a bra factory no less, running raw materials to the various machines. Dad lived in a time when changes came at us with lightening speed.
In dad’s lifetime we have seen: A man leave this world and fly to the moon, A nation divided by civil rights and subsequently the first African American become President, The invention of the TV, telephone and the Internet, The microwave, the RV, the jet ski, Text messaging and cell phones and Facebook, DNA testing and open heart surgery became a reality
Dad held many important jobs over his life. Some of the greatest stories come from the time when he worked for John D MacArthur here in Palm Beach Gardens. When MacArthur founded Palm Beach Gardens dad was the first appointed police chief of gardens from 1960 – 1963. He supposedly told dad “you won’t have to shoot anyone because you are big enough to scare them to death”
One night, John D MacArthur called about to say there was some trouble at Garden Lanes Bowling Alley and dad needed to arrest some people. So, dad dawns his police "stuff", as he called it, and went to the bowling alley. Sure enough 2 guys were beating the crackers out of each other, dad arrested them, put them in his car and then realized he had no where to take them. You see, there was no police building, jail or processing center. Dad called John D said to put the two guys in the tool shed in the yard at the shop and in the morning he would call Chief Mike Manning of Lake Park and have them taken to jail there. Dad just couldn't do it. He took the two guys home with a handshake and a promise that they would never come into Garden Lanes again.
Dad was a fantastic cook. He seemed to be the happiest when he was cooking for a big family gathering or cooking for hundreds of people at a fundraising event. BUT….more importantly…. he loved to EAT. And when in the final months of his life he was not allowed to eat…that was a real problem!
Steve tells a great story that pretty much summarizes the last 6 months of dad’s life. You see, Dad eventually developed problems chewing and swallowing food so he had a feeding tube put into his stomach. Needless to say, not being allowed to eat caused a lot of drama in the house. Now, keep in mind as I tell this story that dad was being fed 5 to 7 times a day…so he was technically not really hungry. Steve routinely picked dad up on Sundays and took him to church and then to eat. On this particular day Steve and dad were leaving church and they were on there way back to where dad was living. As Steve was passing every restaurant in town dad asked where they were going to eat. Steve explained to dad that they could not stop to eat because the doctor had told him he was not allowed to eat by mouth any more. Dad declared “well, I guess I am just going to starve to death”. Suffice it to say…he was mad! As I said, dad’s world literally revolved around food, meals and feeding people. Steve was a special friend to dad and we appreciate the important things he did for dad in his final years.
Dad lived in a private assisted living facility for the last couple of years. Maria and her family took care of dad. Maria was dad’s care taker, and more importantly friend and family member in the last two years. Maria, we literally could NOT have taken care of dad without you. You routinely went above and beyond any call of duty to take fantastic care of dad. He loved you and we love you. Thank you
Since I have been in the professional world I have learned to appreciate the many leadership lessons I learned from dad while working on construction sites in Junior High, High School and College. Y
ou know…..Dad never used terms like “emotional intelligence, management by walking around, or managing by delegated authority” but he taught me those things every day I was with him on the construction site. He also taught me how to get seemingly impossible tasks done with determination and team work.
Tasks and projects that take years to complete and involve hundreds of people get done because of what I observed while working with my father building golf courses in various cities around the United States
Dad may have been a great leader but he was not a great driver! At least the Division of Motor Vehicles found out in time to save us all. Let me tell you that it was not a fun experience taking his license away from him. He was a strong independent man. Once he lost his drivers license he focused more on increasing his electric wheel chair skills. Unfortunately, his driving skills in an electric wheel chair were not much better as we would find out in later years.
Dad gave us many things to take with us. He leaves a legacy. Not the least of which is the wonderful family nose. His nose will always be with us for generations to come and will serve as a sign that dad was here.
Dad was generous to many. If he had it…. he was perfectly happy to give it to you. If he had work he was perfectly happy to give you a job. And if he had some food he was very happy to cook for you…and the rest of the neighborhood. Oh my gosh could dad cook. BBQ ribs, steaks, hamburgers, corn, stew, biscuits and gravy, eggs, sausage….wow, was that some good cookin’
I never saw dad encounter a problem that he could not figure out. It did not matter if it was trying to figure out how to hold a nut on the top side of a starter on the swamp buggy while turning the bolt, or trying to figure out how to get a city inspector to pass a leaky sewer line or moving the biggest tree in the city…..or just trying to figure out how to deal with mom’s death. He always figured something out and worked through the problems.
Understand that all this independence and intelligence made him difficult to put up with when he was older and when he could not get around on his own. When he would wear one of us kids out another one would take over until we refreshed and then we would come back into the fray and continue to help out. What made him the strong powerful man that we all new and respected also made him a bit cantankerous and hard to deal with when he lost his independence. ……………. And that is something that we can all understand and it makes him even more of the great man that we knew and that we loved.
Some of favorite memories of dad were hunting and fishing with him. We used to go camping, hunting or fishing 15 weekends a year. I can remember deer hunting with him when I was a small kid. I carried a semi-automatic 22 rifle with a big white diamond label on the side of it. Dad shot a deer one time and that poor thing was deader than a door nail. After dad shot at it he told me shoot it, shoot it, shoot it. It is going to get away! I ran up and shot three times. I am confident that I did not hit that poor deer or any of the ground around it. However, dad told everyone back in camp that the deer almost ran away but I stopped it with some crack shooting. That is the dad I remember. Dad loved to fish too. He would always sneak out to go fishing and bring back a string of fish. I always got my picture taken with them when he returned. That is the dad I remember.
Dad also played a little golf in his time and apparently he bowled as proven to me by the existence of this picture. Personally, I am glad he was really good and hunting and fishing. I don’t think I would have made a very good bowler.
I asked my sisters to share some favorite memories of dad.
Sharon tells the tale of dad having her arrested when she was 16 by the lake park police department. She was that she was being taken to jail because she was drinking and driving (it was Pepsi). Dad was quick to give up the ruse but it certainly scared her into not drinking Pepsi and driving.
Chrissy, you know that the Lord will not ask you to endure something that you cannot handle. To quote one of your favorite verses……………. No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. Chrissy tells of a time when it was just her and dad and every night after work dad would take her to red lobster and without fail she would be fall asleep at the restraint. Chrissy, I have no doubt that dad will be waiting for you in heaven to buy you that red lobster dinner he owes you while you are awake.
Stephanie experienced dad’s independence a few years ago when she could not get Steven into an after care program and asked dad to baby-sit Steven for a couple of hours every day. Dad and Steven came up with some creative after school activities! The most notable of which was when Steven and dad got caught having wheel chair races in the parking lot of the assisted living facility. Steven was in a regular wheel chair and dad was in his electric wheel chair.
It seems appropriate that Jackie’s favorite story is on St. Pattie’s day. Many years ago she decided to dye her hair green. Unfortunately, she was suspended from school, wound up in the news paper AND had to listen to some of dad’s fatherly lecturing about why that was such a BAAAAD idea.
Brenda remembers dad buying a 1952 Plymouth convertible for her when she was 14. She couldn't’t drive but she was very proud of that car and thankful for dad’s awesome gift. And boy did she look good in that convertible.
I miss my mom and dad terribly. I miss seeing the great times they had together and the dreams they shared.
Get ready mom. Dad is coming to keep you company. It has been a long wait. You can have him back now. We miss you both.
